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Not sorry my scars are showing~

Our SCARS give us compassion and remind us that we are now ambassadors for those hurting and wounded. If you remain JUST wounded– reminded of the fear and pain of what has broken you, pushing others away, displaying rage, anger that is not theirs to feel or see—what is it all for? Is that who you want to be (or at times a person you want to be with)?

Do you want to be a person that hurts others because you have been hurt? Or can you step back and heal from your pain and do the work that is required to not have your pain spill out on to others?

So many examples come back just in my own life of people who have tried to push their pain onto me when it was nothing to do with the present MOMENT but much with their past pain and wounds long before I entered their life. Remember that if someone is displaying a large amount of anger or pain at you, it is NOT about you but about them; it is emotions that have spilled out from the left over pain that is still screaming to be heard from the person that needs to hear it. Our wounds have a bigger role in this world but some have yet to face their own fears and keep spreading their pain as a disease that is worst than Covid called rage.

In a world that sometimes cannot reach past their own shadows of regret and pain, remember don’t be “that person” that is not facing their own pain. Or do you have someone in your life that is displaying that kind of self-indulged pain — hurting you and those around your? Healing is always required for those that are too self-absorbed at times to see what their pain is doing to the ones around them. Abuse becomes primary with those who have pain which becomes a force of more woundedness to others and the cycle of victims leaves its trail. It is time to heal or move on.

If you are one of the few and proud that have been through brokenness and done the hard work coming through it—wear your scars proudly. They will help build a kinder and more loving world through knowing the faithful kindness we have been given through Lord Jesus by healing ours. There is always hope after pain and our scars remind us of how we made it through to reach for others now.

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God’s will- We have to give up our “gimmies”.

I think if we were all honest we can admit when we are by ourselves – we have ALL been out of God’s will at least one time if not many times. I cannot speak for anyone but myself but I know that being out of His will is a very dark, damp, lonely , and scary place.

My favorite verse that applies to God’s will is Jeremiah 29:11-13. It is a promise that God made to His people and applies now even more to us. There are two parts that seem to get left behind after verse 11.

Jeremiah . 29:11 is the the one most know: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Most Christians stop at this popular but the verses after this describe our part in God’s will that is crucial in how we seek it. It is the essence of how we relate to a God that is so touchable and reachable – waiting for us to seek him we we need him the most.

Jeremiah 29:12-13

12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

This part requires action from us and also a commitment too. Can we turn away from things our bodies, mind, and most importantly what we think “we may really want “? I call it the “GIMMIES”. aka gimme this Lord and that because I really really want it”.

We all have had that prayer time when we ask God : “Lord give me (fill in the blank_________). When we should be praying….Lord — If it is YOUR will, please (fill in the blank)_____ or allow your will to work in my life and/or help me to know what your will is for me”.

Verse 12 explains how we must call or pray to God and HE will listen to us. Do we understand that we have the creator of the universe bending down to hear us and wanting to hear our hurts and concerns at that moment??!!! It is because of this loving and father/child relationship that we would want to remain in Him and to be in His will.

Verse 13 goes deeper and explains that God knows us so well and maybe the “gimmies” may get the best of us that internal struggles cause internal pain. God says just “come find me and I will be there for you when you SEEK me and with ALL YOUR HEART ! That devotion and love for God will encourage and give us strength to turn from our desires (or GIMMIES). Is it easy??? NO! Is it better in the long run? Have you been out of His will? If you have, then you know the answer.

There is nothing more than our Father God wants when His children come running to Him with arms wide open wanting to seek Him and be with Him. God does give us choices to choose and the direction we go in.

God always knows what is best for us even if we THINK we do. In the end, God’s will is always the one that is full of love, patience and HOPE. Sometimes we can only see in reverse, what God saw first ahead. It only takes once to be out of His will but for some us -well,…..we are slow learners. LOL 😉

Be Blessed and seek Him with all your heart! DeeDee Fetters LCMHC, NCC

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I MADE HER

This is a post that was given to me. It is so beautiful not to share but it was anonymous. It is something to behold. “IN JOY” and many blessings.

I MADE HER



She is different. She is unique. She brings me great pleasure.

With love I formed her in her mother’s womb. I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her.

I love her smile. I love her ways, and the silly things she says and does.

I love to hear her laugh.

(Psalm 139:17)



I made her attractive and not beautiful. I know her heart and knew that she would be vain.

I wanted her to search out her heart and to learn it would be Me in her

That would make her beautiful…

And it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.

(I Peter 3:3-5)

I MADE HER



She is different. She is unique. She brings me great pleasure.

With love I formed her in her mother’s womb. I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her.

I love her smile. I love her ways, and the silly things she says and does.

I love to hear her laugh.

(Psalm 139:17)



I made her attractive and not beautiful. I know her heart and knew that she would be vain.

I wanted her to search out her heart and to learn it would be Me in her

That would make her beautiful…

And it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.

(I Peter 3:3-5)



I made her in such a way, that she would need Me.

I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be,

Only because I want her to learn to depend on Me…

I know her heart. I know if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own chosen way and forget me, her Creator.

(Psalm 62:5-8)



I have given her many good and happy things…because I love her.

Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart and the tears she has cried alone.

I have cried with her and had a broken heart, too.

(Psalm 84:11, Psalm 56:8)



Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone only because she would not hold My hand.

I MADE HER



She is different. She is unique. She brings me great pleasure.

With love I formed her in her mother’s womb. I fashioned her with great joy.

I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her.

I love her smile. I love her ways, and the silly things she says and does.

I love to hear her laugh.

(Psalm 139:17)



I made her attractive and not beautiful. I know her heart and knew that she would be vain.

I wanted her to search out her heart and to learn it would be Me in her

That would make her beautiful…

And it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.

(I Peter 3:3-5)



I made her in such a way, that she would need Me.

I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be,

Only because I want her to learn to depend on Me…

I know her heart. I know if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own chosen way and forget me, her Creator.

(Psalm 62:5-8)



I have given her many good and happy things…because I love her.

Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart and the tears she has cried alone.

I have cried with her and had a broken heart, too.

(Psalm 84:11, Psalm 56:8)



Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone only because she would not hold My hand.

So many lessons she has learned the hard way because she would not listen to My voice.

(Isaiah 53:6)



So many times I have set back and sadly watche4d her go her merry way alone,

Only to watch her return to My arms, sad and broken.

(Isaiah 66:2)



And now she is mine again. I made her, and then I bought her…because I love her.

Romans 5:8)



I have to reshape and remold her…to renew her to what I planned for her to be.

It has not been easy for her or for Me.

(Jeremiah 29:11)



I want her to be conformed to My image.

This high goal I have set for her, because I love her.

(2 Corinthians 2:14)

—- Anonymous

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OPEN in Rural Hall, NC- Healing Wings Counseling-Positive & Encouraging

When you hide your scars- you may bleed on those around you.
See you soon !

Come see us soon! Or schedule your appointment by email or phone- at 336-549-0023 or email us!

@therapyhearttalk

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Negative thoughts much?

If a butterfly spent all that time trying to avoid its pain, we would miss its beauty and be left with a fuzzy worm. Give yourself the love to find out what has been stopping you from getting your wings.

“Does your head ache and heart break at the same time”– I usually ask because they go together. So many times we forget that our head is the force in front but our body is left behind in the battlefield of our thoughts.

So where do you go when you are agonizing and obsessing over anxious thoughts?

First, what is your body telling you? There are reasons sometimes we have stomach aches or we have unknown tics that happen to only one part of our body. It is because our body is usually trying to tell us something or even holding on to something painful. Believe it. There is proof that our body and more specifically our muscles do hold memories that are from trauma. Those memories know that time does not matter but they can remember that exact pain on the exact day like it was “yesterday” because your mind has filed it away unseen. I see you shaking your head- so are you with me?

Remember – our bodies know how to react but they overact to trauma to get our attention. It may mean you are avoiding the very pain that your body is trying to remind you of in the first place or your mind is trying hard to forget.

We exert massive amount of energy trying to run away from pain when in the end — it is the very thing that will help us heal all along. Pain is uncomfortable but we need it to move on. So how do we?

First, pay attention to your body- treat it with love and kindness. Even write down your sensations.

Second, write down your thoughts and see if these somehow go together and have meaning more when you put them down then trying to run away from the pain.

What if the butterfly avoided the painful journey it took to transform itself from that fuzzy little worm? We would miss the beautiful creation that we are in awe of so much today. What has your pain been holding you back from? Are you a butterfly or are you going to stay in your cocoon?

Listen to your heart— DeeDee~ Therapy Heart Talk

When your Child Has Died of Suicide By Iris Bolton, MA

This is a story that I have used many years now. I will link her website so you may see how to get Ms. Bolton’s books she has written now. It proves that pain is not the end but the beginning of the story. I am sure Ms. Bolton has helped many numerous people with her personal story of her son’s suicide. If you know someone who has committed suicide, you know the pain it causes. Please use her story and see her link for her site to purchase Ms. Bolton’s books and also see what she is up to now.

On February 19, 1977, our twenty year old son, Mitch shot himself in his bedroom of our home with two revolvers. He was determined not to fail in the last act of his life. Apparently, he felt he had failed to reach the goals of perfection he set up for himself. I believed he saw death as a release from failure, loneliness, and hopelessness.  

The afternoon of Mitch’s death, a psychotherapist came to our home and what he said had a profound affect on me personally, The first thing he advised was to use the upcoming days and weeks to bring our family closer in a way that is not possible under normal circumstances. He said “Never close the door to your children or make decisions without including them”. He suggested we be honest with each other, share our feelings —- both positive and negative about Mitch. He also said, “There is a gift in his death if you can find it”. It won’t jump out at you but if you look for it, you will find it. My husband, Jack, heard his words and said they had not meaning for him. But I knew instantly that someday I would find the meaning in his words and I have. I knew also that Jack and I would grieve differently and that difference must be honored and accepted. 

Ultimately, you must go through your grief alone, but it can bring you and other family members closer if you choose to do part of it together. It is easy and natural to blame yourself, your spouse, or anyone else at the time, but to do so can be destructive and helps no one. Be careful not to blame in an effort to explain why this happened. It is hard to help your other children with their pain when your own is so enormous. But they need to know that it wasn’t their fault, and it wasn’t anything that they said or didn’t say to the sibling that caused his death. 

In our own family, we included our children and Mitch’s girlfriend in immediate decisions that needed to be made. We talked about Mitch’s good qualities and also about the times he overwhelmed us with his antics or his selfishness. Remembering him realistically helped us all, and our family togetherness gave us much needed nurturing and support at that time. 

It is important to experience the pain and get it out. People release their emotions in different ways. Crying is helpful and necessary. Sometimes it is helpful to talk about how you feel to your spouse or a friend and more importantly a counselor. The world we live in does not support your hurting. Well-meaning friends may offer you a drink or a even a tranquilizer and say, “Don’t feel bad, take a pill or a drink”. I believe that in this tragedy, as in so many others, you have to hurt to allow yourself to hurt, without judgement, in order to someday get beyond the intensity of the pain. I believe I will not get beyond it until I go right straight through it. There is  no way to go around, over or under it. To be with your feelings, to make no apologies for your emotions, is a very necessary part of the process. Then, one day, you will know that your healing has begun. 

Many of our feelings may frighten us, but know that all your feelings are normal and natural and to be expected. You may think that you are losing your mind, but even that thought is normal. So is feeling nothing, feeling hopeless or having thoughts of wanting to even die. 

It is important to know that survivors of a suicide often do not want to go on living for a time and feel overwhelmed by these thoughts. This soon passes as the healing begins. Experiencing a sense of shame is common, too. For a few weeks, I felt “foul”—-to myself, to my family, and to the center where I worked. But, in time, I realized that I was still me; I had the same values, morals, and principles I’d always had. I was at the same person…but I was different too. I would never be the same but I had the choice of surviving or not. 

I had been a counselor at THE LINK for nine years and have helped parents allow their kids to make choices and take responsibility for those choices. I have suggested that we, as parents, can only guide, advise, suggest, inform, persuade. We can only offer ourselves, our humanness—-our best selves and sometimes our worst selves. What our child dos wit that is his responsibility and his alone. We cannot insure that our child will have our values, morals or goals. Ultimately, it is the Childs’ decision regarding what he does with what we offer him. He was responsible for his life and I am responsible for my life. I must stare aware of that fact. 

I can grow with this event and survive or I can go down with it and destroy my own life. It is my choice and I have chosen to survive. So has my husband, Jack, and so have my three other boys. We have chosen to get beyond the pain by going through it and show making meaning out of its meaninglessness. 

There is a need to ask, “WHY?”. The question much be asked, even though you may never find the answer. It is an enigma and it is part of the process of healing that we all go through. But ultimately, if there are no answers, you may need to stop asking the questions, for to continue only becomes an obsession which can be destructive to yourself and those around you. 

I found I only had partial answers and noting really satisfactory. I will never know all the answers as to why my son chose to end his life but I came to the conclusion that I didn’t have to know in order to go on with my own living. I finally chose to let go of the question but only after I had asked it over and have and struggled with the WHY. Had I not done that, I could have allowed mourning to become my life-style for the rest of my life. 

I don’t know why—-

I’ll never know why—-

I don’t have to know why—-

I don’t like it—-

I don’t have to like it—-

What I do have to do is make a choice about my living. 

What I do want to do is accept it and go on living. 

The choice is mine.

I can go on living, valuing every moment in a way I never did before, 

Or I can be destroyed by it and, in turn, destroy others.

I thought I was immortal, that my children and my family were also, 

That tragedy happened only to others. . . 

But I know now that life is tenuous and valuable. 

And I choose to go on living, making the most of the time I have, 

And valuing my family and friends, in a way I never experienced before. 

The story was written by Iris Bolton, MA. See http://www.theirisbolton.com

Dedicated to my cousin- You are loved and I am thankful for you!

Provided By Healing Wings Counseling- PLLC 

(healingwingscounseling.com & therapyhearttalk.com )

My Jesus always be your comfort and show you life’s gift. 

Helping yourself and others when you feelings lie to you.

Depression and anxiety are lies or just to put it simply the feelings that come from our diseases are not permanent but feel like it. I know that is a pretty strong statement. Most of the time it is just our brain chemical and body overreacting to things but it can make it us FEEL like our world is ending. Fighting our darkness alone becomes a struggle that can consume us.

Feelings are not permanent . .

With depression, anxiety, or any other mental health diseases things can look nothing but dark. At times, we not only have emotions that include shame, guilt, sadness, and fear (and yes that is a big one) but we condemn ourselves to suffer alone because of these feelings. We use control to cope through our thoughts and those fears become the anchor that weighs down to a point it is nothing but what we feel.

It is important for us to reach out even if WE DON”T FEEL LIKE IT. Let me say that again. We MUST REACH OUT AND ASK FOR HELP. Even if every part of us says “I can’t or won’t”. Getting help no matter if in the form of counseling or just asking a friend – it is what maybe our cure. It is just as important for friends to help those who have depression or anxiety to be understanding and give the extra effort to be patient and kind. And those that have it, to allow our friends and family in to see the darkest parts of us.

No one is an absolute expert because who knows how one person is absolutely feeling and coping unless we talk. It is an individual journey but we must allow others to walk with us if we want to heal. At times, connection –no matter what the disease, is the most important cure for the feelings that keep us in the cycle of depression and anxiety. Our feelings maybe what is keeping us isolated and within the darkness. We all know who have had that journey – how dark it can get and how you can lose your way.

Feelings are meant to be used with wisdom and discretion. Our hearts can be misdirected if we are isolated and wounded. Just like when you are in the dark and sometimes our eyes play tricks on us. We need someone to shine a light on it and say “it is not really there and maybe we need to look at it a different way”. Ephesians 5:13 Or sometimes talking about feelings puts a new perspective on it when we can move on from the hurt and pain they may have caused from another time.

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